I don’t actually call women bitches in real life, that’s just something I say on stage to look tough

05 December 2023

Written by Jada Harris

Comedy night is every Tuesday at the bar and most nights I tune out, occasionally catch a bad joke in between making drinks and small talk. Most nights I tell myself that I need to just learn how to handle a joke, that I’m being too sensitive and everyone has the right to speak their mind. When I look up towards the men on stage with microphones I’m face to face with people who just spoke politely to me at the bar, smiled at me while they picked out a beer, and I have a hard time watching them walk towards the stage to go on to say some of the most offensive things I’ve ever heard with that same smile. 

“I don’t actually call women bitches in real life, that’s just something I say on stage to look tough.” “Everyone keeps saying that black guys are hung, I thought we didn’t do that any more.” “My brother is a r****d so it’s okay that I say this joke.” “On the count of three, everyone say the N-word.” 

I have a hard time listening to men call women bitches, cunts, and whores, week after week after week, and then smile goodbye to me on their way out. I have a hard time listening to them tell jokes about their girlfriends, wives, and hookups to a group full of other men. Men who smirk like they are finally getting the chance to speak their mind. Like this is a safe space to make jokes about their dicks and their daddy issues. Like comedy is some sort of outlet for them, a place where they feel accepted. For me it’s more like a nightmare, a test on how hard I can grit my teeth and bare it. 

They make jokes about gender, sex, race, politics, bodies, and drugs while commenting on the absurdity of cancel culture, as if feeling free enough to say these things in front of a group of people without consequence isn’t proof enough that cancel culture isn’t exactly working. A white man goes on stage to make a joke at the expense of black people. A black man goes on stage to make jokes at the expense of women. A hispanic woman goes on stage to make a joke at the expense of disabled people. I thought we were past this. I thought these things only existed in incel reddit forums. I thought I knew how people behaved and that they would at least feel some sort of shame at expressing things we’ve all collectively decided were offensive. 

I spend hours everyday on youtube, instagram, and netflix listening to people make jokes so I don’t think I’m out of line when I say that this night is truly fucking atrocious. It makes me less trustful of others, to know that so many seemingly ordinary people are harboring these things under their tongues. They don’t know how it feels to be the punchline of the joke. They don’t know how it feels to have your existence reduced to a stereotype you’ve been fighting your entire life just so other people can experience 10 seconds of joy. Why does your joy come at the expense of my comfort, my safety? Why don’t you care enough about other people to ask them if what you’re doing is okay?