I’m scared I’ll never get back the feeling I had when I thought you loved me

15 March 2024

Written by Jada

I wish I had made a copy 

before I gave you the keys

I wish I had looked longer at your hands

before I let them touch me

I wish you had let me know you weren’t 

going to say goodbye before you leave

I wish you the kind of heartbreak you’ve given me

I want to fall asleep but I can’t stand the fifteen minutes 

between putting my head on the pillow 

and seeing you again in my dreams

I need a break from 

begging to be believed

am I not worth staying around for?

I would have been the ocean 

that carried your tired ship to shore

I would have been anything you wanted 

if only for a moment more

I can’t keep listening to you tell me

that i’m not your dream girl

I can’t keep watching you leave

I wonder what you'd say if you knew

I look at pictures of you when I'm feeling lonely

I think about how there aren't any pictures of us 

because you never cared enough to get to know me

I wish I didn't know how to hold on to everything

I'm sentimental like my mother and her mother before me

I’m scared that all of my friends 

miss the person that I used to be

I’m scared that I’ll never get back 

the feeling that I had when I thought you loved me

and even though your number is blocked, I text you

can you come over?

will you rest your head on my chest 

until the storm rolls over?

I think about the life you’re living now and

I’m scared to swim in the same waters we used to

I want you to say those words I’ve never heard

It’s normal for things to die

but it’s not normal for them to haunt you

what was it about me that made it so easy to leave?