the summer we stayed inside

28 September 2020

Written by Jada Harris

movies just make me think about the time

when it was safe to go outside

and I miss being somewhere new.

I miss getting dressed

and I miss seeing you.

they tell me to use this time

to make myself again

but I don't think I'll ever feel right

about any of this.

I pray this time

the numbers are down

but you know they're not

so we drive around town.

why do I miss seeing people

who have never seen me?

you're so well adjusted

I don't speak anymore,

you're so well adjusted

I pace the same floors

If it's not the heat of the summer,

it's the stares from my neighbors,

I can't get far enough away from people.

the lines are muddied and grey,

and still yet I pray,

for a chance to feel like myself again.

I worry things will never get better,

no amount of screen time can bring us together.

people are outside in the streets,

we've written down the names,

you woke up and decided

to be an activist today.

if people don't see my face

will they forget all about me?

if I'm stuck in the same place

what kind of person can I be?

am I always going to feel invisible?

am I ever going to feel like enough?

I'd like to see how you are handling this so easily.

what is it about me

that craves interaction

but can never get far enough away?

I worry I'll always push people away.

you put on a mask

and they have to look through your eyes

I never wanted to be this transparent

I never wanted to share a crisis with the world.

somehow now I'm more ordinary than ever

ready to tear down the walls.

the days blend together,

but now the sun shines forever,

what a cruel joke,

to have to spend an entire summer

indoors.